i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
