North Korea, Best Korea!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The Olympian is in my bed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize