Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
