Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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