Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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