what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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