Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
