I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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