I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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