Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
