When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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