I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
