finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
