Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
