I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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