I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
