the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
