Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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