I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
