He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
