if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
