We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
