ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
