Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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