This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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