Swine flu. Run for my life!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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