When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
