and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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