It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
