No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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