There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
