Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
