i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
