i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
