i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
