I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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