Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
