He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
