It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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