I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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