i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
so much tequila, so little girl.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
