I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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