she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize