First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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