I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
