Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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