You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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