when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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