what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
