Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
