I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize