Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
