she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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