okay pat passed out under dana's car
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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