its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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