We named our party play list daddy issues
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
