been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
