dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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