I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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