i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
where are my eyebrows?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
