last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
