I got chris browned last night
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
