nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
