I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
