I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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