I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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