All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
