White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
