I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
