i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
