You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
honey bunches of taint.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
