I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I fill condoms, not promises.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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