I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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